Things in Boys room Before marriage:

Perfumes, Love letters, Laptops, Cards, Samsung / I-phone

After marriage: Painkillers, Loan papers, Unpaid bills, Nokia 1100.

>

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed…. But hell does that burn!

>

when I’m on the phone with my mom:

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: bye

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

>

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The man drops a bit of tomato sauce on his white shirt.
“Och, I look like a pig!”
The woman nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your shirt!”

>

Duta 😂Joke😂

Blogger, Introduced his girlfriend to his family

Parents: Who is she?

Guy: 8 things you should know about this lucky girl

>

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbours can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

>

Latest meaning of LOVE

Legs

Open

Very

Easily.

>

Dr: Are You Virgin?

She: Yes.

Dr: But You are Married

She: He is Gay.

>

I and my husband decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

>

“Today is Monday”

Forward this to 15 friends.

Within 7 days you’ll get another Monday

It really works.

One of my friends ignored this msg & he got a Tuesday within 24 hrs.

>

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

>

At late night wife’s mobile beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.

He wakes his wife.

Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???

Surprised wife checks her mobile.

Wife (double angrily): hey!! use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.

>

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

>

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

>

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

>

Ⓜ Who is a MAN

A man is the most beautiful part of God’s creation who starts compromising at a very tender age.

He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.

He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents face.

He spends his entire pocket money on buying gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling

He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain.

He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.

He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.

His life finally ends up only by compromising for others’ happiness.

If he goes out, then he’s careless

If he stays at home, then he’s a lazy

If he scolds children, then he’s a monster

If he doesn’t scold, then he’s a irresponsible guy

If he stops wife from working, then he’s an insecure guy

If he doesn’t stop wife from working, then he’s somebody who lives on wife’s earnings

If he listens to mum, then he’s mama’s boy

If he listens to wife, he’s wife’s slave

Respect every male in your life. U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.

Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realise his worth!!

HAPPY MEN’S DAY”

Which never comes.

>

GF: Never waste your feelings on someone who doesn’t value them.

BF: Oh! Yes never waste your money on someone who is going to be ur ‘X’

>

Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse!”
Optimist: “Nah, of course, they can!”

>

Husband’s FB Status:

Good morning, such a lovely day… I’m so happy today!!

Wife commented: Challenge accepted

>

I was in a restaurant once and I suddenly realised I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was real, really loud, so I timed my beliefs to the beat of the music. After just a few songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everybody was staring at me… That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

>

Uncle: So what do you do?

Me: [flashback to stalking people on FB, Insta, Twitter and Snapchat for articles] I’m a highly respected editor.

>

Question: Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it?
Answer: A conversation.

>

DAD, Please Give Me Something I Deserve

 

.

.

.

.

Dad:

slaps

>

Question: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
Answer: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

>

Sometimes when I close my eyes….

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I can’t see. Lol

>

Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you are in Heaven, SIMPLE.

>

I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because of yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

>

Interviewer:  Tell me something about yourself ??

Me: Sir, Yourself is an 8 letter word.

>

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

>

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

>

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls for an ambulance. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?”

>

My superpower is, I can change a Girl’s ‘Online’ To ‘Last Seen At’ by just sending her a ‘Hi’

>

A: What do you do?

B: I am a photographer.

A: Wow, send me some of the pics

B: sends 100 selfies

>

Assistant: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”

>

She: you post so well on Facebook, what do you do, what’s your qualification?

Me: Software Engineer, yours?

Me: hello

Me: Are you there ???

Me: you there ???

Me: there ???

Me: ???

>

Dentist: “You need a crown.”
Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”

>

When a Girl changes her clothes in front of you, She’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned….

…or She hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet

>

Women live a Better, Longer &

Peaceful Life, as compared to men.

WHY?

A very INTELLIGENT man replied:

Women don’t have a wife!

>

I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonald’s.

>

Maximum wives hate their husband’s friends.

Maximum husbands love their wife’s friends.

Men are Generally nice.

>

I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea. He said he can’t complain.

>

Airport Security Check]

“Do you have any guns/knives ?”

“No”

“Any sharp object ?”

“No”

“Any explosive device ?”

“No”

“Love Letters ?”

>

A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some and, munching, asks her why she isn’t having any herself.
“Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.”
“Why buy them at all then?” wonders the driver.
“You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”

>

Husband: can u be the Moon of my Life?

.

.

.

Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Husband: Great! then….

Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

>

Money doesn’t buy you happiness but it can buy you a jet-ski. It is impossible to be sad when you’re riding on the jet-ski.

>

She: I love u

He: I love u too

She: To late

He: How? U texted me at 100 & I texted back at 102,

She: what were u doing at 101?

>

Q: Is Google a he or a she?
A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

>

He: Hi! Will you go out with me for a drink?

She :No

He: Smoke?

She: No

He: Coffee?

She: No

He: Shopping?

She: Yeah. Let’s go to Zara.

>

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation.
His opponent comments: “That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man.”
The man, recovering himself, replies, “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

>

NAUGHTY ENGINEERS!!

Four girls took lift in a car full of Engineers…

Since no place available, they sat on each Boy’s lap…

After 5 minutes…

Girl1: Are you an Electronics & Communication Engineer.??

Boy1: How do you know..??

Girl1: Your tower is communicating with my Unreachable Area…

Girl2: Are you an IT Engineer..??

Boy2: How do you know..??

Girl2: Your Pen drive is trying to connect with my USB port…

Girl3: Are you a Mechanical Engineer..???

Boy3: How do you know..??

Girl3: Your Piston is trying to move into my cylinder….

Girl4: Are you a Civil Engineer..??

Boy4: How do you know..???

Girl4: Your dam has broken and flooded my village….

>

Which bees produce milk? The boo-bees!

>

Girl : You are like my brother.

Me : Do you watch Game of Thrones?

Awkward silence

>

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

>

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
“Oh welcome home darling,” he says, “your parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello.”

>

Wife : I am not talking to you.

Husband : Okay.

Wife : Don’t you want to know the reason.

Husband : No, I respect & trust your decision!

>

Question: What does a baby computer call its dad?
Answer: Data.

>

 

Load More Related Articles
Load More By African Bro
Load More In Jokes

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Check Also

Funny Jokes Compilation by AB

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all. > Ques…